When I began writing these divorce articles, I started on TypePad. While I tried to keep up with both blogs by doubling posting, it is not working for me. The TypePad blog has many more readers, so that is the one I will maintain.

So if you are looking for updated Florida divorce information, please visit my DIY Divorce in Florida blog on Typepad. You can return to this site to purchase the Crash Course from by clicking a link in the sidebar over on Typepad.

If you are looking for general information about Florida divorce, you can receive my Family Law Kit free. Just complete the form below and I will send it out to you immediately.

Learn How You Can Save Money &

Stay Sane During Divorce

Name:

Email:

Florida DIY Divorce - Save Money

Florida divorce can be an exercise in document management. “Mandatory disclosure” was meant to make divorce less expensive by requiring all divorcing couples to exchange certain financial documents like bank statements and paystubs. I was reminded of this last weekend when my bank sponsored a food drive and shredding event.

Guidelines for Keeping Documents

So what documents do you need to keep and how long do you have to keep them? Here are some guidelines for document storage:

• One Year – monthly financial account statements
• Six Years – payroll documents like W-2 and 1099 forms
• Year-end credit card and financial account statements
• Indefinitely – property documents like deeds* & mortgage satisfactions*
• Tax Returns*
• Will
• Birth Certificate*
• Marriage Certificate*
• Divorce  and Adoption Final Judgments*
• Insurance Policies

The documents marked with an asterisk are usually replaceable – at a cost to you. For instance, if you need copies of old tax returns, they cost $40 each and take several weeks (or more) to get. Adoption final judgments require that the file be reopened, which takes a motion and a filing fee. So just because you can get a copy does not mean you can throw it out or shred it.

Safety of Documents and Your Identity

Personally, I keep the “Indefinite” documents in a fire-proof box, as well as maintaining a scanned copy. I like the convenience of the scanned copy but for some purposes you will need to show physical certified copies of the documents.

Be sure to take measures to avoid identity theft by shredding your documents that contain personal information. If you don’t have a personal shredder, check with your bank to see if they accept documents from their customers (mine only takes old checks as a general rule) or if they may be sponsoring a shredding event. I’ve even heard of churches holding shredding parties. Of course, you could use a low tech shredder like the photo here.

If you don’t belong to an organization that sponsors shredding events, you will likely have to pay for shredding. Expect to pay about $10 per banker box. With my law office, I save up boxes of old documents and have the shredder come to me. For that to be worthwhile, you need about 10 boxes. It can be alot to store, so maybe your neighbors can join you for a neighborhood shred. To find a local shredding company, try a Google or Yellow Pages search for a shredding company that accepts a small amount of documents.

Don’t throw away any documents with account numbers or your personal information without shredding. Identity theft is rampant and you don’t want to be a victim of it.

If you are representing yourself in a divorce or enforcement action in Florida and have not read my post about identity theft, mandatory disclosure documents and your court file, you should read that next.

Florida DIY Divorce - Save Money

Image via Wikipedia

We often say that the grounds for Florida divorce or dissolution of marriage is that the marriage is irretrievably broken. However, there is another one of the grounds for Florida divorce – and it was quite scandalous when it was introduced in 1901. As this article from the New York Times reveals, the other ground for Florida divorce is mental incompetency of one spouse. This ground requires that the spouse be declared incompetent by a court for a period of at least three years.

Political Favors and Grounds for Florida Divorce

Reading this 1901 article, it is clear that political favors are nothing new in Florida.  The man referred to in the article was Palm Beacher Henry Flagler. Judge Minor S. Jones of Florida’s 7th Judicial Circuit presided over Flagler’s divorce from his second wife, Ida Alice Shourds . Ida had been confined for years in an asylum. Shortly after the divorce Flagler married his third wife, Mary Lily Kenan, and the couple soon moved into their new Palm Beach estate, Whitehall.

Special Procedures Apply to Incompetency as Grounds for Florida Divorce

There are special procedures that apply when using incompetency as a ground for Florida divorce. A guardian ad litem may even need to be appointed, depending on the situation. If you are considering using this as a grounds for Florida divorce, be sure to follow all the requirements required by Florida divorce law.

If you are not sure how to complete the Florida divorce forms, get my Crash Course on Florida Divorce Law. The Crash Course helps you do it yourself and do it right when it comes to Florida DIY divorce.

Florida DIY Divorce - Save Money

In Florida permanent alimony – the kind that is paid every month until the recipient remarries or one you dies – is once again being changed by the Florida Legislature. For the past decade there has been a legal presumption that permanent alimony is the proper type to award after a long term marriage. Even before the 2010 changes, this was the way alimony awards worked in Florida. Now we have additional changes that take effect on July 1, 2011.

Permanent Alimony Changes

In 2010 the Legislature got involved and tinkered with the alimony law. At that time, the Florida legislature wrote into the law most of the terms that the court decisions had required. I used to call them the unwritten rules of Florida alimony. Then this last legislative session involved even bigger changes to Florida Statute 61.08, the Florida alimony law, especially for Florida permanent alimony. Starting on July 1, 2011, the court must make a finding when it awards permanent alimony that no other type of alimony is “fair and reasonable under the circumstances of the parties.”

Also inserted is a requirement that when Florida permanent alimony is awarded after a moderate term marriage, there must be clear and convincing evidence that permanent alimony is appropriate type of alimony to award.

The third change is that an award of Florida permanent alimony cannot leave the payor spouse with significantly less net income than that of the receiving spouse, unless there are exceptional circumstances. I agree that this change makes sense and was necessary.

Permanent Alimony and the 2011 Changes

I also believe that the impact of these changes continue the trend of devaluing “women’s work” of being a stay at home mother. Make no mistake about it, there is an organized movement afoot in our state that wants to see Florida permanent alimony totally abolished.

I believe that the requirement that the judge make a written determination that no other type of alimony is fair and reasonable sends a message to judges that they should limit awards of permanent alimony. This is likely to make judges reluctant to award Florida permanent alimony after the changes go into effect on July 1, 2011.

What do you think about this change to the Florida permanent alimony laws?

Florida DIY Divorce - Save Money

Since I was talking about what happens when mediation fails, I thought it was appropriate to also take a look at how you can prepare for mediation. Lawyers spend considerable time preparing for negotiations like mediation sessions.

Representing yourself should be no different. The answer to the question is Yes, you should prepare for mediation.

There are three critical questions you need to answer when you prepare for mediation

• What is my opening offer?

• What settlement points are firm and which are flexible?

• When do I walk away from mediation?

Mediation involves back and forth negotiation between the parties with an impartial mediator facilitating the process. Most of us equate mediation offers with haggling over things like the price of a car. We’ve been taught to make outrageously low offers so that we do not negotiate ourselves.

Such “low ball” offers are not typically recommended in divorce mediation because those low offers can alienate the other side. When you prepare for mediation, you should know what your “best day” and “worst day” in court could be. That means that it is crucial to prepare for mediation based on the facts of your case and your likelihood of success. This can be difficult when you represent yourself in a divorce case and you may have to seek some expert advice.

You also need to decide if there are settlement points that you absolutely must have. Along with this is a thorough examination of why you must have those points in your settlement. It has been my experience that once you answer the why question, you can often be more flexible in your approach. Think in terms of your “goals” rather than what you want. When you prepare for mediation, be sure to ask yourself why you “must” have a particular outcome. Then negotiate to answer the concern expressed by your “why” staement – not over a particular point itself.

For example, why is it important that you have the children with you every Monday through Friday? Sometimes parents think that they can obtain more child support that way. Others believe that a mother should always have the children more. Still others think that the other parent will not get the kids to school on time. These are three distinct reasons for the same issue. The three reasons will also generate different options during mediation. That’s why you need to ask why when you prepare for mediation.

When preparing for mediation, you also need to determine when you will walk away and have the mediation fail. In combination with your reasons for your offers, you need to have a realistic idea of when to stop negotiating at the session. This is not to say that you should walk away from mediation. You do need to know your bottom line however.

If you are looking for a divorce mediator in Palm Beach County, please call me.

Florida DIY Divorce - Save Money

What happens when mediation fails is another popular question that I am often asked as a Boynton Beach divorce attorney and owner of DIY Divorce in Florida.  In Florida, before you can have a family case trial with a judge, you must first attempt mediation. Mediation does not always work, at least on the first try. Mediation fails – but often people give up too soon.

Most courts in Florida have mediators on staff. When mediation was first introduced, it was seen as a way for families to work out their private disputes. Now, more often, it is seen as a hoop to jump through before getting to the judge. That’s too bad, because most judges prefer that divorcing spouses make these decisions themselves.

When mediation “fails” you have a several choices:

• Go to trial

• Go back to mediation and try again

• Continue negotiations on your own

You can throw up your hands and “take it to the judge” in a trial. That is not usually the best option however. The fact is that most judges do not want to make decisions about your family after a short trial. Judges know that you have so much more information and they will hear only a small fraction of it in a trial. They want you to make the choices because this concerns your family and will have lasting repercussions.

Many divorcing spouses want to go to the judge to be able to tell their story. Unfortunately, this does not happen often in court. Instead, the judge gets small bits of information filtered through the rules of evidence. It is actually during mediation that your story comes out and gets told.

Of course, you can continue negotiations on your own. Often this does not result in any progress toward settlement. In some cases, however, mediation can narrow the dispute down. Once you know what the issue really is through this narrowing process, you may be able to come up with a suitable resolution. In my experience as a divorce attorney, this seldom happens.

Many times, divorcing spouses use the court mediators only one time, expecting to settle all the issues between them in 60 or 90 minutes. That is not always realistic, especially if you have children and/or a complicated financial situation. That is why I encourage do-it-yourself’ers (and all divorcing parties), to attend several mediation sessions. Depending on the number of contested issues between you, you may need three or more mediation sessions to resolve the case.

Mediators are trained to help divorcing spouses generate alternatives and to understand what the true interests are behind the parties’ positions. That is what makes mediation a valuable process.

Mediators ask “Why?” you want the outcome you are asking for. Most people cannot look behind their positions and go to the true “interest.” It is very difficult ask yourself why you really want what you want. That is what makes mediators valuable in a divorce dispute.

Mediators can often help you resolve disputes that were seemingly impossible to resolve between the parties. So if your mediation fails, please go back and try again. Mediation fails – but not often.

If you are looking for a family mediator in your do-it-yourself divorce, contact me. I assist divorcing couples in reaching resolution of their divorce disputes so mediation does not fail.

Florida DIY Divorce - Save Money

Many clients complain that the children do not want to visit the other parent. Through the years I've heard this complaint a lot. And I'm going to be blunt here…. it is usually due to your actions, conscious or not.

Kids are like little sponges and they absorb what you give off. If you are tense and worried about the time your child will spend with the other parent, your child is likely to become tense and worried too. Some kids even try to avoid going to the other parent's home because they are worried about you being alone. That is not their job – you are the parent.

Think about how you can create a peaceful transition for your child.  How can you prepare your child for the upcoming time sharing so that it is a stress-free experience? Here are some suggestions from Ellen Kellner, author of The Pro Child Way:

• Avoiding interruption and encourage being prepared: remind your child of upcoming visits—make this a continual cycle of conversation.  Use positive words and smile. 
• As the visitation time approaches match your actions to your reminders.  As you tuck your child

into bed: “On Friday, you get to see dad.  Tomorrow we’ll think about what special things you may want to take.”

You cannot control how your ex handles the transition on his/her side, but you be assured that your child was fully nurtured while with you.  You gave your child the gift of consideration through the routine of the time sharing perparation.

With your child gone and the door closed, acknowledge any sadness that you may feel or any anger that you may have towards your ex.  While The Pro-Child Way^® is about shielding your child from the full impact of your emotions, it isn’t about denying your own feelings to yourself.

Florida DIY Divorce - Save Money

In Florida, many courts allow you to prove that you've lived in Florida for 6 months before filing the petition (personal jurisdiction) by presenting your driver's license at the final hearing. In order for your license to prove that you've lived in Florida long enough, your license must have an "issue date" that meets the six month requirement. Be sure to check this out BEFORE you go to the final divorce hearing.

If your license was not issued at least six months before you filed the petition for dissolution of marriage, you will need a residency witness (someone who has personal knowedge of when you moved to Florida) or an affidavit of collaborating witness (Form 12.902(i)), completed by someone who knows when you moved to Florida.

In summary, you will need one of the following 3 items to prove personal jurisdiction at your final divorce hearing:

1. A Florida driver's license issued at least 6 months before the filing date
2. A live witness who knows how long you've lived in Florida
3. Form 12.902(i) completed by someone who knows how long you've lived in Florida

This is a simple thing, but I have seen more than a few people have petitions denied at a final hearing based on not being able to prove personal jurisdiction.

Florida DIY Divorce - Save Money

It's tax time again. I get a lot of tax questions from divorcing parents around this time of year. While I am no tax expert, here are some general things to keep in mind about divorce and taxes:

• Child support is not income
• Child support is not deductible
• Single parents may be eligible for the Earned Income Credit, depending on income
• Single parents may be eligible for Head of Household based on caring for child for more than 1/2 the year and paying more than 1/2 the expenses of a home

Check the IRS website for the publications about these tax topics, or consult a tax professional if you have questions about divorce and taxes.

Florida DIY Divorce - Save Money

Negotiating on your own can be tricky. After all, if the two of you were "on the same page" you may not  be in divorce court, right? Here are the top 5 reasons that pro se divorce negotiations go wrong:

1. You are at different emotional stages in the divorce process. Just like the stages of grieving, you will go through (and bounce between) different stages of grief in the divorce process. This is true even if you are the one filing for divorce.
2. Fear. One or both of you will confront fear during the divorce process. The most prominent fear that I've seen is the fear of financial insecurity. When you are in a state of fear, your brain chemistry changes. This makes rational negotiation difficult.
3. Desire to inflict blame or retribution. We can't help it. We're programed to blame someone or something when things go different from how we expected. In no-fault divorce states like Florida, the legal system does not place blame or exact retribution on the "offending" spouse.
4. Feelings and emotions get in the way. In the same way that fear impacts our brain chemistry, emotions also affect our ability to negotiate. Emotions are not good or bad; they just are. Until you can work through your hurt and/or anger, the likelihood of successful negotiations are slim.
5. Different negotiation styles. Personality traits, tolerance for taking risks, and familiarity with the topic all influence how we negotiate. When each spouse has different levels of these factors, offers are viewed with suspicion. We tend to automatically default to the "no" position.

Collaborative divorce lawyers and mediators are trained to consider all these factors (and more). So if negotiations on your own break down, it may be time to take a step back and work with a third party to assess the situation. And take heart, the vast majority of divorces settle without a trial.

Florida DIY Divorce - Save Money